This may be a sad chapter but you are not a sad story
- I always told you that I'd never fallen in love with you. In a way it was because your love came bit by bit and filled my empty heart. But actually, there were many moments that I fell for you. The moment you gave me warm smile. The moment we kissed, physically and virtually. The moment you tried to be awake at the late night to talk to me and send me to bed. The moment you had been waiting to take shower at night. The moment you told me you love me. The moment that in your eyes there was only me. The moment I shared my achievement to you and you listened to me and be there for me. The moment I realized that you are my first thought of the morning. All those moments, I had fallen for you. You have some undeniable power to me. I can not resist you, even a single time if you notice.
- When we met, I was a snow queen who hid her heart under the icing shield. I had been hurt badly and I was afraid that I would hurt again. That's why I had been pushing you out and always had doubt. I was afraid that if I let you in, I would end up hurt myself again. I know I was good at pretending to be cold and ignored your efforts. But actually, warmth from you love giving to me had melt my heart and eventually I let you in. At first,when you told me you loved me, I always replied thank you and never said I loved you back because I was afraid that by saying that I would love you more and more. I am also afraid of status of me in the relationship. I had been through all, being loved, being cheated, being in love triangle, being the third wheel, being the left behind. The worst for me is to love someone with marital status, because in the end, I would not be the chosen one. I want to be out of that kind of relationship. That's why I had been pushing you off without knowing that it might hurt you or left a scar in our relationship. I pretended that I was strong, but I was not. There were some times that I didn't want to wait anymore, pressured you for the answer and I wanted to leave you. I am sorry for that. In the end, I would do anything in the world to have you. I destroyed all the wall, all doubt of when, and believed in you and us. I hardly asked about it again. I told myself just to simply wait until our time came and be by your side.
- I sometimes said I could not see our future. But actually, I dreamed of our future. I could see you travel the world with me. I could see that we would be a passionate couple who keeps turn on on each other for a long period. It is sad that it would not possible anymore. You used to say you would like to see the solar eclipse we me when we would be very old. You know what, it's the most romantic thing the man could say to his love. One time that you said you would see it with someone, which might not be me, it left a little sting in my heart. I wish we could get old together, hold our hands and see that solar eclipse.
- Through our relationship, you would think I had someone else or options. I did. But I chose to love you and I cut all out. My eyes, my heart were only with you. I wished that I could make this relationship work by concentrating on you only. I want to make it right this time. I was very careful with myself. I hated myself when I was demanding to you, when I was emotional, and when I too much expected from you. I want to be a better person for you. That's why I kept inspecting myself and sometimes got frustrated. I believe that strong relationship can only be created. We have to work on it with communication and open heart. I know not everything you loved about me, vice versa. But we just have to learn how to be with all those imperfections of our lover has. I wish that even when we fight, we still love each other. I wish our love could be like in the fairy tale, but I kept telling myself not to push too much expectation on you. Maybe I failed, I'm sorry.
- The moment that reality hit me was when I found that you texted someone else. It surely hurt me deep as we were together and we had spent days and nights. It is really hurt that your eyes were not on me only anymore. I couldn't stand it. I stopped talking to you for a night and day until I reconciled with myself that I would forgive you because I could not lose you. But it was my bad, that after that I kept making sarcasm and paranoid that made the atmosphere turned bad. That would also pushing you away from me. But trust was not there. Then I realized that I should not do that and I told myself, I would not be like that again. I taught myself to do that, to keep all the bad thoughts and sarcasm in my mind. I think I succeeded. I also thought of death more often. All of sudden, I realized that our time together is precious and I must not waste it a single happy moment with you. Unfortunately, it was the time that your heart was away from me. I could not feel love anymore. I tried to calm myself down by telling myself to accept that everything changes even myself. I tried to convinced myself that your distant look is just a matter of time. But finally, I know your heart is not with me anymore. I'm not the one you loves with all your heart anymore. I cannot live with that. My heart cries. I wouldn't want to hurt another girl either. So I let you go with a heartbroken.
- It must be true when people say that a man starts with 100% love and when it faded down, it's the time that the woman has loved him 100%. I told you it is not your fault. I do not blame you. It must be me too that made it happened. I should have express my love to you more. I should have express my love to you earlier. So that I wouldn't leave any space for anyone else to fill in. I do not regret loving you. I asked myself if I could turn back time, would I open my heart to you. The answer is yes. Yes for that I gave a chance to myself to love again. The times we were together are times of happiness and joy. I love all our trip, every photos, every sea, every sky we looked at it together. I cherish those times and thankful to you that you made it happened with me.
- But now those times have gone, left me only good memories to dream of and to cry on. Our relationship has gone through hell. I wish with all my heart that we could be back in our relationship, with your heart is only with me and I can trust you wholeheartedly. I wish we could travel the world together, laugh with each other, grow old together, watch the solar eclipse together.
- I wish I could beg you to come back to me, but I also know with all my heart that if the feeling has gone, it's gone. Your heart is with someone else already. What should I do? The only thing I could do is to wish you happiness. It is hard to admit that I am not your happiness anymore. But what to do. You have made me grow up. I would like to see you happy wherever you are, whoever you are with. I'm thankful to you that you make me so proud of myself that the moment we were saying goodbye, I could make it calmly and peacefully which rarely occur. I told you that this needs lots of love to do. It does. Love is scary but it makes me mature and brave.
- So long my love. 私を見つけてくれてありがとう
- When we met, I was a snow queen who hid her heart under the icing shield. I had been hurt badly and I was afraid that I would hurt again. That's why I had been pushing you out and always had doubt. I was afraid that if I let you in, I would end up hurt myself again. I know I was good at pretending to be cold and ignored your efforts. But actually, warmth from you love giving to me had melt my heart and eventually I let you in. At first,when you told me you loved me, I always replied thank you and never said I loved you back because I was afraid that by saying that I would love you more and more. I am also afraid of status of me in the relationship. I had been through all, being loved, being cheated, being in love triangle, being the third wheel, being the left behind. The worst for me is to love someone with marital status, because in the end, I would not be the chosen one. I want to be out of that kind of relationship. That's why I had been pushing you off without knowing that it might hurt you or left a scar in our relationship. I pretended that I was strong, but I was not. There were some times that I didn't want to wait anymore, pressured you for the answer and I wanted to leave you. I am sorry for that. In the end, I would do anything in the world to have you. I destroyed all the wall, all doubt of when, and believed in you and us. I hardly asked about it again. I told myself just to simply wait until our time came and be by your side.
- I sometimes said I could not see our future. But actually, I dreamed of our future. I could see you travel the world with me. I could see that we would be a passionate couple who keeps turn on on each other for a long period. It is sad that it would not possible anymore. You used to say you would like to see the solar eclipse we me when we would be very old. You know what, it's the most romantic thing the man could say to his love. One time that you said you would see it with someone, which might not be me, it left a little sting in my heart. I wish we could get old together, hold our hands and see that solar eclipse.
- Through our relationship, you would think I had someone else or options. I did. But I chose to love you and I cut all out. My eyes, my heart were only with you. I wished that I could make this relationship work by concentrating on you only. I want to make it right this time. I was very careful with myself. I hated myself when I was demanding to you, when I was emotional, and when I too much expected from you. I want to be a better person for you. That's why I kept inspecting myself and sometimes got frustrated. I believe that strong relationship can only be created. We have to work on it with communication and open heart. I know not everything you loved about me, vice versa. But we just have to learn how to be with all those imperfections of our lover has. I wish that even when we fight, we still love each other. I wish our love could be like in the fairy tale, but I kept telling myself not to push too much expectation on you. Maybe I failed, I'm sorry.
- The moment that reality hit me was when I found that you texted someone else. It surely hurt me deep as we were together and we had spent days and nights. It is really hurt that your eyes were not on me only anymore. I couldn't stand it. I stopped talking to you for a night and day until I reconciled with myself that I would forgive you because I could not lose you. But it was my bad, that after that I kept making sarcasm and paranoid that made the atmosphere turned bad. That would also pushing you away from me. But trust was not there. Then I realized that I should not do that and I told myself, I would not be like that again. I taught myself to do that, to keep all the bad thoughts and sarcasm in my mind. I think I succeeded. I also thought of death more often. All of sudden, I realized that our time together is precious and I must not waste it a single happy moment with you. Unfortunately, it was the time that your heart was away from me. I could not feel love anymore. I tried to calm myself down by telling myself to accept that everything changes even myself. I tried to convinced myself that your distant look is just a matter of time. But finally, I know your heart is not with me anymore. I'm not the one you loves with all your heart anymore. I cannot live with that. My heart cries. I wouldn't want to hurt another girl either. So I let you go with a heartbroken.
- It must be true when people say that a man starts with 100% love and when it faded down, it's the time that the woman has loved him 100%. I told you it is not your fault. I do not blame you. It must be me too that made it happened. I should have express my love to you more. I should have express my love to you earlier. So that I wouldn't leave any space for anyone else to fill in. I do not regret loving you. I asked myself if I could turn back time, would I open my heart to you. The answer is yes. Yes for that I gave a chance to myself to love again. The times we were together are times of happiness and joy. I love all our trip, every photos, every sea, every sky we looked at it together. I cherish those times and thankful to you that you made it happened with me.
- But now those times have gone, left me only good memories to dream of and to cry on. Our relationship has gone through hell. I wish with all my heart that we could be back in our relationship, with your heart is only with me and I can trust you wholeheartedly. I wish we could travel the world together, laugh with each other, grow old together, watch the solar eclipse together.
- I wish I could beg you to come back to me, but I also know with all my heart that if the feeling has gone, it's gone. Your heart is with someone else already. What should I do? The only thing I could do is to wish you happiness. It is hard to admit that I am not your happiness anymore. But what to do. You have made me grow up. I would like to see you happy wherever you are, whoever you are with. I'm thankful to you that you make me so proud of myself that the moment we were saying goodbye, I could make it calmly and peacefully which rarely occur. I told you that this needs lots of love to do. It does. Love is scary but it makes me mature and brave.
- So long my love. 私を見つけてくれてありがとう
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